The Crows nest!

Monday, 22 March 2010

A big Rebels welcome to new followers, oh! god I thought I was on the rebels web page there for a second lol, anyway nice to see new faces be assured I will have a look at your pages as well over the coming week.



Saturday morning, laying in bed Oberon at our feet, we talk as me and fox do every morning most of the time, I’m trying to just wake up and say some of the most stupid things, she calls me the sleeping master simply because I say stupid things, of late I just been keeping my trap shut, I feel a bit off, the first thing that comes to mind and openly say I wonder how my blood sugar is doing?



Fox tells me maybe I should take my bloods, so staggering and wobbling into the kitchen, then I remember I keep the blood monitor next to the Wii in the front room.

Taking the said monitor back to the bed room, one of the finger pickers slips out of the little case that contains all the stuff I need, Obi wants to sniff and see what its all about just in case there is something for him, its that way with everything, what’s his is his and what’s yours is his as well.

I take my blood test and its 16.5 which is quite high but not as high as it can get, and that’s with out anything to eat or drink I only drink water now, I used to drink so much coke but since my heart attack I have cut it down so much, but as the day progresses you can be as sure as hell, my blood sugar is going to be over 20.9 by this evening, last night it was 23.6 I had 3 packets of crisps and 3 kit kat’s, not to mention some coke as well.

I’m not paranoid or anything like that over my health but I do push it a bit, when I was last in hospital I had a heart attack a really bad one, and my blood was 37.8 god I sometimes have to try and remind myself of the pain and fear that I caused myself and family, Fox admits she still has nightmares over my smoking, drinking and general bad attitude to life.



For this I am truly sorry, to both my wife and family for any harm or hurt I have caused over the years.



Some times I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle with some of the changes I need to make, sometime I feel like I’m on top of it all, I’m glad Fox has two weeks off, I feel I need her support to help me fight one last battle, namely smoking, it’s a revolving door thing sometimes I’m hot sometimes I totally miss the plot where this vile habit.



I try and search why I smoke I mean its not like I do it every day, in fact I read a book that helps you take into consideration of how much you actually smoke each day and its only like 1 hour in 24 hours, so what if I went to just 30 mins in 24 hours? But this don’t feel right, smoking is making me feel worse, not better.

I got a rally coming up in around 6 weeks and want to be totally smoke free for this, I feel if I don’t do something drastic I might not be able to make it, because I am killing myself ruining what little of a life I have, I am coming to the conclusion I have so much life in me still, the nice weather is coming and its biking time again.

I have plans about doing a Indian head massage course, I don’t want to stay on the dole for any longer than I need not that I’m ungrateful for what the working public has put my way, but I don’t want to be living off the state for the rest of my life, I’m excited at the prospect of doing something new and worthwhile, I actually found a college that gives a City and Guilds certificate for the course, and at a knocked down price.

It’s amazing what you find at a local college these days!

9 comments:

  1. Make sure you take care of yourself there my friend...
    How does that saying go? "If I knew I as going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself..."

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  2. The fireworks excuse was the greatest ever comment from you ever! “You were smoking fireworks?” Absolutely priceless!

    The mood swings were worse. You pushed everyone who was trying to help you away; it damn right made us all angry. You got a second chance not allot of people get that, (mum being the prime example) abusing your body more was just an insult to the chance you were given. Smoking when you could get away with it was bad in the long run as you were always forced to go cold turkey which is making yourself suffer needlessly. You can’t stop smoking by yourself you need to cut the emotional link! I know you don’t like the idea of therapy and you have your own but sometimes the ones closest to you can’t help! You need to go to a group or something that’s the only way you will be able to stop!

    Mum would have fricken killed you over some of the shit you have done over these past two years! She prob will have a few things to say to you!

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  3. Hey! Thanks for stopping by my blog! Sorry to hear about your health conditions. I think quitting (smoking) completely is a great idea!! But don't set yourself up- you didn't get the habit in one day.. it may not be that easy to quit in one day. I'm cheering for you either way!!

    *Miss Pisces*
    miss-pisces.blogspot.com

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  4. Hello, Sir! I think I may have finally worked the bugs out so that I could leave a post for you...

    First, I wanted to say thank you for visiting my blog and for your kind words. Second, I am signing up for your page because, well, you seem like a cool guy!!

    Read your most recent health scare and hope there is nothing serious to fear. As for the quitting smoking, I quit almost a year ago with the help of the electronic cigarette. Not saying it is for everyone, but it sure works for some of those triggers(especially if you have that oral fixation!)

    Anyway, I hope all is well with you and I hope to hear from you again soon!

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  5. Thank you all for your kind support and as you said Just Me, I too have one of those electronic ciggys, its not bad if not a little pricey, but very helpful if i crave the smoke, normally I use the plastic one, much cheaper but gives a bit of a kick.

    I'm trying to take one day at a time, I think I just had a plethora of emotions normally wanting to watch shop windows and rush off in a huff.

    But I keep you all up to date as it progresses.

    Thanks again to you all xxx

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  6. Lol the shop window moments are funny :P So like my mums shop window moments lol

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  7. Oh take care of yourself. My mother is in hospital and it really makes me want to do whatever I can to stay out of there when I'm her age.

    The Clean White Page

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  8. I agree with your sister, you always push away the people who are trying to help you. Maybe you thrive on the drama. I dunno. Glad you're still kicking. Now don't disappear like you always do or I'll Captain Scarlet YOU! ;)

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