A big Rebels welcome to new followers, oh! god I thought I was on the rebels web page there for a second lol, anyway nice to see new faces be assured I will have a look at your pages as well over the coming week.
Saturday morning, laying in bed Oberon at our feet, we talk as me and fox do every morning most of the time, I’m trying to just wake up and say some of the most stupid things, she calls me the sleeping master simply because I say stupid things, of late I just been keeping my trap shut, I feel a bit off, the first thing that comes to mind and openly say I wonder how my blood sugar is doing?
Fox tells me maybe I should take my bloods, so staggering and wobbling into the kitchen, then I remember I keep the blood monitor next to the Wii in the front room.
Taking the said monitor back to the bed room, one of the finger pickers slips out of the little case that contains all the stuff I need, Obi wants to sniff and see what its all about just in case there is something for him, its that way with everything, what’s his is his and what’s yours is his as well.
I take my blood test and its 16.5 which is quite high but not as high as it can get, and that’s with out anything to eat or drink I only drink water now, I used to drink so much coke but since my heart attack I have cut it down so much, but as the day progresses you can be as sure as hell, my blood sugar is going to be over 20.9 by this evening, last night it was 23.6 I had 3 packets of crisps and 3 kit kat’s, not to mention some coke as well.
I’m not paranoid or anything like that over my health but I do push it a bit, when I was last in hospital I had a heart attack a really bad one, and my blood was 37.8 god I sometimes have to try and remind myself of the pain and fear that I caused myself and family, Fox admits she still has nightmares over my smoking, drinking and general bad attitude to life.
For this I am truly sorry, to both my wife and family for any harm or hurt I have caused over the years.
Some times I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle with some of the changes I need to make, sometime I feel like I’m on top of it all, I’m glad Fox has two weeks off, I feel I need her support to help me fight one last battle, namely smoking, it’s a revolving door thing sometimes I’m hot sometimes I totally miss the plot where this vile habit.
I try and search why I smoke I mean its not like I do it every day, in fact I read a book that helps you take into consideration of how much you actually smoke each day and its only like 1 hour in 24 hours, so what if I went to just 30 mins in 24 hours? But this don’t feel right, smoking is making me feel worse, not better.
I got a rally coming up in around 6 weeks and want to be totally smoke free for this, I feel if I don’t do something drastic I might not be able to make it, because I am killing myself ruining what little of a life I have, I am coming to the conclusion I have so much life in me still, the nice weather is coming and its biking time again.
I have plans about doing a Indian head massage course, I don’t want to stay on the dole for any longer than I need not that I’m ungrateful for what the working public has put my way, but I don’t want to be living off the state for the rest of my life, I’m excited at the prospect of doing something new and worthwhile, I actually found a college that gives a City and Guilds certificate for the course, and at a knocked down price.
It’s amazing what you find at a local college these days!