The Crows nest!

Monday, 27 February 2012

Space…

The start of the week, when I am keeping busy cleaning the cottage brushing out the stove for the fire sometime this week, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday I will have a fire and sit and read for the afternoon after Obi had his afternoon walk and do it a little bit sooner so I can have at least 3 hours of reading.
It’s 3 days till I go to London with Tom and do my heart test at the London University College hospital at the Nuclear Medicine department on the 5th floor, all I can say Is I hope the lifts are in working order. From 12am onwards I cannot eat and have to make sure I do not have any caffeine and only a light breakfast, and during the whole day all I am aloud are a few chocolate biscuits and milk, so if the heart attack doesn’t get me the hunger will.
I am so glad I am being driven around by Tom, the though of having to go via train and tube was actually making me feel a little too stressed out.
http://www.uclh.nhs.uk/OurServices/ServiceA-Z/IMAGING/NUC/Pages/Home.aspx
if you follow the link below you get an idea of what they are doing what they are putting into me, not as bad as a Angioplasty and stents, by scary all the same.
http://www.uclh.nhs.uk/PandV/PIL/Patient%20information%20leaflets/Thallium%20myocardial%20perfusion%20scan.pdf
Well with that out of the way, I spent the better part of an hour just reading the second link, I had worse, I mean an Angioplasty is so painful, no that I am a goose or anything but having that procedure is akin to having a Mexican Midget jumping up and down on your Groin and he laughing hysterically, like I was the last time they went via my groin I was laughing so much the pain was so bad, if I did not laugh I would be screaming my noggin off.
Today feels like a Tuesday, I just took Obi on an epic walk around the fields it’s amazing how nice it feels at the moment and its February as well, I did not expect it to be this nice fat puffy clouds as far as the eye can see. Its not often I put pen to paper, every one these days its all email, strange going to the post office for a first class stamp and it was 46p I remember when they were just 10p for one.
I wrote a letter to Robert Green thrown in Prison by an unjust court system, his crime for telling the truth about Hollie Greig, if you don’t know about this little girl abused sexually by a paedophile ring in Scotland just Google her name and you will see what I mean. Anyway I wrote him a short letter of support and my dismay at the way he has been treated by the Police, Judges, and the Scottish courts. I been listening to a lot of pod casts on my Iphone and computer I am finding the telly really boring also its good to walk Obi and listen to a pod, the moment I am listening to Kate Valentine pod’s her show is all about UFOs you can find her here. http://atlanticcoastufos.com/ I find she has a lovely relaxing voice; I must put a comment up on her up coming show to let her know she has a fan in the UK. I went to bed on Wednesday night my head full of troubles as to what was going to happen in London, will we find the place or will I make it in time and will I be able to make sure I have everything I need?
Tom arrived at 7am on the dot has a cup of tea, and before long we head off to London in his car, Fox has given me the Money we will need for the day petrol and food and the parking space.
From Sheering to London our entertainment was a mixture of Smooth FM and idle chit chat and the stupidity of other drivers particularly Taxi’s that love to cut up people.
It takes nearly two hours to get there, Tom knows the road and routes so well, we even have as sat nav that even he knows better than, we booked a car park the day before but we could not find it even with the sat nav trying to point us in the right direction, in the end I jump out of the car and head to the hospital and leave Tom to find the car park.
I forgot the letter, so I jump on the first life; it only goes to floor 2 there is no floor 5 for a moment I get worried am I in the right bloody hospital? I find the information desk it’s just in side the massive rotating doors.
The woman sitting at the desk looks fed up and tries to one send me the wrong way and trying to finish my sentence, down stairs lower basement for x-ray.
No it’s not an x-ray it’s something else on the 5th floor? Oh nuclear medicine, yeah that’s it she points to the other lifts I did not see, I grab the first life it only goes from floor 7-16 I had to come back down and jump in the second lift which would take me to floor 5.
I reach the admission desk with 30 seconds to spare, I gave my name and date of birth and he did not ask for the letter thank god, I was sitting for just 5 minutes then my name was called an Italian doctor, very pleasant but difficult to understand,
took me to another waiting area and asked me to follow him to the first room asked me to take my tops off, a nurse with him put sticky stuff on my chest so the ECG leads can hang from my heart area, so they can watch me as I sit on the cycle machine, they put the ven flow into my arm and put the first of two nuclear injections into my body, I peddle like mad keeping a steady 7mph go for the next 10 minutes.
When I am finished I am taken to the second waiting room and told I can drink as much tea and coffee as I want and eat if I want, I’m so hungry I took some digestives, the tea and coffee is free of charge. I am sitting down and I am wondering where Tom has got to I send him a text and he sends one back saying he waiting for me, I go and college him, we sitting in a deadly quite waiting room people coming and going lost in there own worlds, we have a our plastic boiling hot tea, you cannot drink them they are so hot, I wrote in the comments box that one day a child is going to burn itself if its not already happened.
Tom is such a booster, he keeps us talking mostly about trikes and bikes we love to have one day, it takes 50 minutes for me to be called to the second room for my 2nd test the camera, I am asked to lay down and the camera it’s massive and covered my whole side of my chest I just hope it don’t slip and cut me in half, the test takes 7 minutes, then I am told I can eat if I am a diabetic and to be back in the waiting room at !:30pm for my next and last Injections.
We sit in the café and have chips beans and a sandwich and some coffee’s from Costa, before we wander back, we only gone 40 minutes, at 1:35pm I am called into the nurses room and given the last injection and the ven flow is taken out the injection is really tummy upsetting and I want to be sick, but there is not much in my belly I have a thing about frozen chips I hate them, and I ate very little even the beans did not feel right, it could be the medication and radioactive stuff in my body but I could not take it, and the only thing I really enjoyed was the coffee.
It takes another 50 minutes to do the final test the same as before only this time the heart at rest, the same procedure as before then when I was finished I was told that it will take 2-3 weeks for my doctor to receive the results.
I have a appointment with my doctor on the 3rd of March I will put pressure on him then and see if I can get the update quicker, I have been told that there are only two options open to me, they open me up for a by pass surgery or do nothing cause the heart is not too bad.
I know what I hope but I am not going to speculate then when it comes it comes till then I will enjoy my life and keep on baking my lovely cakes. Love you all and special thanks to my best mate Tom the best step dad in the world.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Monday it’s a start.

After the other morning waking up so cold, I have not had a repeat of feeling so darn cold, my Tramadol ran out on Sunday evening and made sure I ordered more of my Morphine medication well in advance, I would still have to get my way up to Hatfield Heath to collect it one way or another, I am still expecting my bus pass to come very soon but still no sign of it, the bus is so expensive in Essex compared to the likes of Brighton £4 for an all day bus pass, as opposed to £6 for a return to Harlow town centre only 7 miles down the road.
It’s a staggering £3.80 return to Hatfield heath which is only 1 mile up the road and the bus comes every hour… its quicker to walk, well if I had some Tramadol in me I might have given it a go, but I did not and after taking Obi out for his first walk, my legs were hurting so much, so my legs decided and got the bus there and back.
Sheering village news. For the past 2 weeks I have seen a sigh that says road closed namely the Church Lane which connects with the Harlow road, which will take you to Harlow but in a round about way loved by bikers,
but it was not until I took Obi for a walk over that area, did I see why its closed well the little bridge is out of action, massive stone blocks stopping every car from going over the river that cuts through the fields.
Tuesday morning and its Valentines day, last week me and fox decided that we were not going to celebrate with cards, save trees, save our pockets I can think of lots of other useful things to spend £10 on, like food treats for Obi, I know its about the day of love, how I feel for fox is I love her every day not just on this day.
I am into my first week of the sky 40gig package, I have been counting up how much I actually use and so far the blog uses very little if I keep it all short and sweet and not over do it with videos, not that I post that much up anyway, I would expect I use at least 500mb a month just on my weekly blog,
maybe less, my little sister Nicola thinks that I could not use that amount up in a month even if I tried… I hope so! I got a new book today from Amazon USA a Budd Hopkins and the true story of the Brooklyn bridge abduction Witnessed, its come a lot faster than I though which is great I am missing a good read in the evening.
I would have liked to have seen him, but sadly he passed away on the 21st August 2011 not that long ago, a man I have come to admire over the years his loss to the UFO & Alien community is sadly felt.
Its Wednesday and its Lotto night and thunderball, our chance to be well of comes around again, well knowing our luck it be next week, but you never know as my sister Trish says… You’re got to be in it to win it.
The snow is almost gone now and the fields are getting really muddy my shiny black boots have mud clinging to them like glue, as part of our budgeting with the shopping I have been doing a shopping list when I find we are out of something so far I have added 14 separate things. ~Gulp~
I have been reading and watching with interest what’s happening at Ibrox the home of Rangers FC the rivals of Glasgow Celtic FC, I am a Celtic supporter my family are Celtic supporters as was my Granddad and great grand dad,
I remember the rivalry and hatred both sets of supporters used to show to one another, and yet I feel a loss at what is happening there, I just hope the old Firm keep on going and do not disappear from the game forever. What is ironic about Rangers is the fans sing God Save the Queen and it’s the Queen’s own tax man that is screwing them… Bonkers!
Its not unusual but well I have not actually been keeping up to date with my blog, I tend to write a little each day, so that I don’t have to try and remember everything, I think mid week I was feeling a little down and useless with really horrible thoughts going through my head, in some way I am so happy I have fox, her easy going attitude and noting is difficult if you work it out, worked a treat just took a few days to get all out what was bothering me.
On the 23rd I have a test at the London University College hospital, another heart test, injections die pumped into my heart and more injections to make my heart beat faster, to put in under pressure and lots of photographs of me ailing ticker, and decide if they are going to open me up and do a by pass.
I’m kind of scared; you know you actually die during the procedure if only for the briefest of moments. I mean what if I don’t wake up? What if the devil is waiting for me, ready to take me away, what if there’s nothing… I love my wife my family my darling dog Oberon, and I never want to be apart from any of them, put your trust in god is what a religious person says, not so good if you’re a believer in the ancient Alien belief.
Well Saturday here and we on a budget it’s decided that fox will take obi for a walk in the park and I will go to sainsbury’s and do the shopping myself, so with Nectar card in hand I disappear into the sliding doors of the massive shop with my medium trolley and shopping list in hand, it did not take that long the shopping came to £29 and I used £10 on my nectar card,
and sat and waited till fox and Trish came to pick me up in the café.
I think as the week goes on next week I will do very little if any writing I think my mind will be on the hospital appointment looming over my head like vulture, ready to pick my carcase apart like a scavenger.
I am very grateful to Tom taking the day off work and driving me up and back from London he a pillar of strength I don’t know what I would do with out his help, many times he been there to pick me up and give me the nudge in the right direction when I need it.
I think for next week I will blog the hospital only maybe a few thoughts along the way, but we shall see, and as I have said before see you on the flip side of next week. God/Alien willing…

Monday, 13 February 2012

The first snow of 2012

Saturday evening was the start of it, it came in a blizzard wave, half rain half Ice but sometime during the small hours it turned to snow, Fox woke me up at 3am telling me that place looks so bright the snow is at least 6inchs deep and Obi is so wet from running around snapping and peeing not in that order, he don’t eat yellow snow but he does sniff it.
Sunday is a really hard day with cleaning Obi every time he comes home from his walks, he has snow boots the first set as big as tennis balls, gradually getting smaller as the day wears on, till this morning Monday he can walk in the snow and not get any, Natalie has come to collect Obi for his day with the doggies and a hair cut and grooming, he could not get out with her fast enough he never looks back and nearly dragged her into the car park and off he goes.
My day is really full, I have an appointment with the dss this afternoon, I know when ever I am dealing with these people my health suffers, the amount of anxiety I get I wonder if its worth it.
There I am standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to Harlow, my anxiety is way though the roof and I am feeling so sick to the pit of my stomach, I then realize that I would rather beg on the street than deal with those bastards, its something when you would actually prefer to starve to death than deal with the likes of them. I walk back home its only 30 seconds walk, the bus fly’s by me as I turn to walk into the car port… I am feeling much better now!
I been watching YouTube video of Alien abduction, I am still in two minds as to whether I believe it or not, but if it does happen as much as some people say it does, then I am worried for a number of reasons.
1. Its said that abductions start in infancy boy and girls are taken and this happens for most if not all of there life’s when I say taken what I mean is with out consent. 2. Most if not all are subjected to intrusive experiments, physical, mental and sexual. 3. This is happening all over the world, not just in isolated area’s but sprawling metropolis like New York, London, Paris and Rome. 4. Most don’t remember the abduction unless they have recall from hypnotism or recall but mostly everyone is saying the same story over and over again. 5. There is proof but even that is subjective, implants, photographs and now video but what is truth and what is false?
In a day and age of our own advancement with computers nothing is ever what it seems, you can video something post it up on YouTube and with in a few days someone will show you how its done by trickery, what I don’t get is why does this happen, is there an under current of deception not from the people saying something happened but from the people who know full well what is going on and don’t want the general public to know the score?
Wednesday morning I am expecting a book or two to arrive from Amazon even more abduction stories I keep questioning myself why I am so interested in this subject.
But instead of a book what I get is my appointment with the hospital in London for the cardiac scan at the Uni Collage Hospital London for the 23rd of February, I noticed fox looked worried with knowing that I am going for another heart test.
Yet I feel relaxed, maybe its more to do with the fact that I am now so aware of my body and its moods swings and general well being, and my acceptance of living with a heart disease that will one day claim me, but also why I feel relaxed about it is, I know what is wrong with me, I am so aware of what is going on, I don’t panic which so many people do, and end up dead from a heart attack.
The reason for all the interest in the UFO/Abduction phenomenon is partly due to the fact I have had my own close encounters, now I am not saying I have been abducted by Aliens, heavens forbid, but I have seen there craft on several occasions now even videoed them twice, but one encounter has perplexed me for many years it is only recently I have recalled it in detail.
I was 22 and was out of the army for coming up nearly two years, and was staying with my mum and sister Nicola in a flat in Ferguslie, my room to the front, a bare room except for a bed and a mirrored chest of drawers, with a record player sitting on top, a candle at my bedside, which I would use at night, till the chest of drawers once caught fire the candle holder had cracked spilling the hot boiling wax over the side of the dresser to this day I don’t know what waked me to the danger at my side.
I had been on a sort of magical path which was relatively new to me, my mind was expanding on many fronts, just a day after a full moon ritual, I took myself to bed, it was the early hours of the morning I had been reading for what felt like hours, I drifted off to another realm still and dark, for some reason I woke totally awake, but I could not move none of my limbs moved only my eyes had movement, a slow and distant hum drifted to my ears, my head held in a vice like grip not hurting but unmoving my eyes staring into the ceiling of my bedroom, the hum become louder and louder as each second passed.
I don’t know how but I could see through the roof of the flat we were on the top flat and I could see thought the beams, chalk board and roof tiles, and beheld a massive object pulsating in lights millions of lights dimming and lighting up the hum was in tune with the changing of the insensitively lights, this craft flew slowly over my head, my eyes fixed on it, I was waiting for someone to come and drag or pull me out of bed, but that never happened, it was like I was invited to watch this magnificent sight of what I would say was a mother craft slowly drift over the flat I stayed in with my mum and sister.
As it passed I was released from what ever invisible grip that was excreted on me and rushed to the window, when I looked out the window, there was thick cloud cover, bright blue, green and yellow colours over the clouds as the craft was lost to sight.
I always thought that it was sleep paralysis I was suffering from, but I question why because at the time I had no interest in UFOs I did not even know there was abductions I only heard of the Betty and Barney Hill abduction a few years later, I don’t think I was abducted nor have I ever been abducted, but I have seen there crafts, and as I said I have even videoed there craft 2 times already. Its Sunday morning 4am to be exact, I wake up its so bloody cold, even with a 15tog super quilt tee shirt PJs and socks I wake feeling ill as if I have the flu, Fox tells me to put the heating on which I did, this is the first time in my life I have woke feeling chilled to the bone, in a way I wanted to be sick.