The Crows nest!

Wednesday, 21 April 2010


Well its been two weeks since my last confession as a Catholic shirt stealer would day, my Uncle Tom said this many years ago to me when I was but a nipper.

Noting much of Interest has happened well when I say nothing much just little things, on the Thursday of last week my front door rings and cause I can see from my cctv who’s there, before my eyes stand two really angelic women, neatly dressed and figures that would give America’s top Model a run for there money, so intrigued I answer the door only to have the Watch tower shoved in my face by two smiling god’s own right hand girls, best thing to do is sorry I’m quite happy with my religion and send them on there way if it was men I would abuse them, sorry I just hate people coming to my door out of faith and not friendship.

I’ve really done my self proud this week I done so much work in the back garden mowing the lawn doing the edges and fixing up the beer table thought its took a full 4 days to do it and play world of Warcraft at the same time, its done even filled up our fountain, and much to the amusement and bewilderment of Obi, he’s taken to drinking out of the fountain funny guy every day he does something even more stupid or just down right funny.

I’m going to the Arthur Findley College Standstead Hall on the 30th of April for the day to see Tony Stockwell give a demonstration as well as teach medium skills, its being treaded as an open day, I wonder how they will take to me, being a biker, just hope its not a problem like sensitive people are these days, I remember many years ago, I was walking around a what you would call a new age meeting wearing my biker leathers, I like black not that I’m a dark lover or anything like that, it was all I could get from shops at the time, and being a bike rider you have to think of safety first.

Some woman at a stall took an instant dislike and commented on why I was wearing black, cause I’m a devil worshiper and work, and walk a dark path, Is that right babe? So it’s not dawned on you my clothing is to do with riding a bike? Its better to wear leather than cotton on a bike, don’t you think leather is warmer riding at 60mph around the countryside?

But I did shut her up with a well aimed put down now you must pick your timing just right with a good put down and being me I’m the best at it.

Several people are paying attention to me and her arguing over the rights and wrongs of colour my timing is impeccable So babe before you take the splinter of wood out of my eye first take the plank out of your own, smile and walk away as she trying to over come the shock, and the verbal kick in the fanny!

I think I learned something from mum concerning paying bills you know electric, gas, phone and the hated Council tax or Pox tax as me and fox calls it. Paying any bill just makes me cringe particularly the pox tax, its like giving money to abusers and yeah the government are the biggest abusers of all.

Now I have my mum’s attitude towards bills just don’t pay them till the red letter slips through the door, not that don’t want to pay I just like to keep them waiting, my mum was a wee horror when it came to paying bills she would shove the un opened bill under her seat, one day looking for pennies we were so poor, I found all the unpaid bills stacked up like it was a paper model of K2, when I challenged her about it: she just shrugged her shoulders and said, Oh well!

Well its two weeks since I last posted anything on my blog its been quite busy the nice weather has played a part big time done just about everything in the garden bringing it up to scratch mowing the law for the second time, it looks so much neater now that it did after its first cut.

While walking Obi around the field I have noticed that the farmer has put up an electric fence around the perimeter of one of his fields its no more than a foot and a half high, with warnings attached at intervals now most people that walk the field are over 5foot dogs a little smaller, unless the warning is meant for rabbits and gnomes, I’m sure there’s a few fairies dotted around but they hide so well?

Obi has taken to drinking out of the Fountain, and it’s needing filled again after being only filled 2 weeks ago, I think it need to be realigned again to much spit over the side.

I got the Bum in the Mud in a few days I’m so excited the chance to see over 2000 bikes and bikers lots of bands, food and frolics and I get to meet the rest of my group the Rebel Smugglers.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Sheering News!

Out walking Oberon today, I bumped in to Bernie from next door, he been hard at it doing his patio for the past week, I get on well with him, and both of us have heart problems, and from time to time talk health, but today we talked crime, yeah its happened again another property has be ran sacked by some hoodlums, this time it was no little property it was one of the larger houses, on our street as its called are some really hefty homes, the type you see in Hollywood, the house in question was not alarmed, how stupid is that?

And it has dogs! My god those buggers are noisy, and yet it did not deter the light fingered thief, so it just goes to show no mater how big or how unfriendly the dogs are, who ever it is, are very determined to get in, its always during the day, so the dogs could be locked away, the dogs in question are Lab’s so not built for aggression, but bark a lot.
When fox gets home from her work she going to freak, we have yet to install our alarm, I know we got our cctv but what good is that to someone who could to all intents and purposes were a mask or cover his head?

I had to take a trip into Harlow today to sign on, and had a quick dash around the Harvey centre, and there was a Essex Police stall in the centre I had a quick word with one of the officers and asked about a crime prevention officer, they took my details and promised that someone would be in contact shortly keeping fingers crossed that un-savouries eyes do not look in this houses direction.

Now for another bit of Sheering news, and like the last blog it’s about poo! Yeah it never seems to go away only this time its not about Obi eating the stuff, people have been complaining that when they walk on the fields, people just let there dogs shit all over the place and make no attempt to clear it up, I do agree this is a problem not only for the health and well being of dogs and shoes, its unsightly as well seeing a massive dog turd just smiling at you as you walk around the country side listening to the birds sing, and the sweet smell of Fido’s culinary delights plastered to your left shoe.

Now the reason I brought this up, is because of a dim wit of a woman in the general store made a comment about Obi and well of course me…

Mrs Turd: Oh! Leslie, you know that Guy next door?
Leslie: You mean in V?
Mrs Turd: yes him I think it’s his dog that shits all over the path and walkways.
(Now Leslies face goes red, she can see me standing with my fresh morning rolls)

Now Kudo’s to Leslie, she gives a classic response to her question, why don’t you ask him yourself he’s standing right behind you?

Mrs Turd apologises to Leslie and scampers out the door with my booming voice behind her, I always clean up after my dog thank you very much.

As the door slams shut, Leslie bursts into fits of laughter I must admit I found it quite funny as well, now for the sake of being a nice resident of Sheering I will not tell you her name, but simply we will from now on call her Mrs Turd.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Ground control to Major Arr

Ground control to Major Arr, Ok I aren’t been gone that long well just over two weeks, Fox had her first Annual leave from St Thingamajig bobs (sorry she likes her place of work secret, but she works or councils Cancer sufferers these days)

And when she is off, I tend to take a break from the computer except for emails and searching for stuff, like new wall paper, paint, skirting boards, beds, yep you got it its house decoration time since we moved from Brighton its been all work and no play which is bum if you ask me.

We had all these plans to do things and go places for days out but it never happened, for one the weather was completely shit, for the last week of her holiday it rained rained and when it could do noting more it rained again.

But on the up side, Oberon is doing just fine, thought there has been one very lucky escape for him a miss understanding between me and fox meant that he slipped his lead and escaped out of the front door and decided to pay a visit to the other side of the road with on coming traffic lucky it was one of those lull moments or he be one squashed puppy, cars had to screech to a halt in order to miss him.

Three times he dashed back wards and forwards me in close pursuit of the scampering giggling Pirate, and to this day I don’t know how we caught him, he’s so fast on his furry white paws, I’m just glad we got him, I think I would have had a heart attack and just die there on the pavement.

He been some what of a bundle of hormones, his nuts have dropped, I can feel his eyes and loins on my leg, I think its coming to the time for that visit to the Vet’s and have our Obi’s nuts chopped off.

OMG!!!!! I could almost scream at him a few days ago, he had something in his mouth, munching away as if he just had the best curry you could ever get, I could see it was dark brown and looked a bit hard like a rather thick beef and tripe sausage, he swaggers up to me and smiles (Tibetan terriers do this all the time when they are happy)

Just in time to see the remnants of what he was chewing and salivating over sliding down the back of this throat, reaching down to give him a stroke I smell poo from his breath.

OMFG!!!! Not only did he have a starter he went back for dinner, supper and a chewy snake, now I always clean up after Obi I hate the site of dog shit on my lawn, so regularly clear it up, just in case we have visitors since we moved back to Essex we get lots of visits from Fox’s family, and hate them having to dodge the dog toffee.

But as the days progress I discover that it not only Obi that haves a poo in the garden but a large black and white cat as well, and seems to feel attracted to our Red Robin tree, the only tree we brought with us from Brighton, so not only do I have to clean up after my pirate chum I have to clean up after the ship cat as well!

My computer is so old now its claiming an old age pension well it should be, so with baited breath and lots of trawling the cheep end of the market and managers specials in the local industrial estates that Essex is famous for and with the princely sum of just over £300 squid well can I get a computer for that? And would I be able to play World of Warcraft? Will Twitter actually catch up with me, when I was writing tweets I had finished my tweet but the computer was still on the 3rd word it was that slow.

Well I did get a base only deal, I got a monitor I got from my darling sister 20inch tft, and the new puter is a Windows7 (I like lots) AMD Athlon 11x4 620 quad core processor, (salivating) Nvidia GeForce 9200, (wow here I come) 320gig hd (the inter nets for porn) 3gig DDR2 Memory, super DVD malti drive and its got HDMI as well not bad for under £300 quid eh!

Now I’m a bit worried I got the dole tomorrow I been seeing the disability officer at Harlow Job centre for a few months now, and they found me a job, but the problem is I lost all the information from a phone call I had with a woman from Focus a disability organization that deals with people who are health wise challenged, and the damn thing is I liked the sound of the job it was only 16hours a week and working at a desk at the local nut house, or to be correct the emotionally challenged centre, and I cant even remember the name of the bloody place as well, I’m royally screwed.

All I can remember is the name of the woman that works at the place I cant remember and her name is Lisa, there can’t be that many people with that name in Essex?

I’m so scattered brained, that even Obi has a laugh at my antics on a daily basis and since everything is fair game I think he might have got his chops around the slip of paper with the email addy and information and its long since went down his neck and out his arse.