The Crows nest!

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Stubby toe jingle

I wake up, around 4am, Zak’s fat arse pressed hard against my legs, his still grumbling body lets of a Butchers fart, rank and disturbing, doing the ghost walk around our bed/settee, stubbing my toe, dancing in bare feel around the foot of the uncomfortable temp bed. Looking and sounding more like an Indian rain dance and funny enough its raining this morning I wonder if I worked a bit of magic?


I have been in this temp accommodation for nearly 2 weeks now, in a back water place called Roydon Essex, we getting a new place in Sheering Essex but the Solicitors have yet to complete the work and then there is the surveyors to do there work as well, so I got at least another 3 weeks to stay here, and if you don’t mind the noise of the trains flying by outside the back garden and the jet planes flying over head or the smell of the canal no more than 165 meters away, which I don’t but one thing that gets my goat is the sheer incompetence of people who own shops and restaurants in the village.


Case 1.

farting balls (not real name of shop due to legal reasons) the local newsagent + local mart, none of the people can use the till, or even count. I went in to get the Lotto for Wednesday I got 3 lucky dips and was charged £5, I looked at the dizzy till operator pardon I say I asked for 3 lucky dips not 5, yes sir she smiles but the scratch card costs £2, eh! But I got that card yesterday and was cashing it in, If you look at it you seen its already been scratched, she has to delete the transaction and redo the whole thing all over again, but she cant use the bloody till which takes like age’s by the time I get my 3 lucky dips and leave the shop it takes 10mins to get my arse out the door. And she did not apologize for the delay she has caused! I like to say I will not go there again but it’s the only flipping shop in the area, nearest shops are in Harlow 3miles away.



The white horse Indian take a way, well usually I hit the Indian and make my order and 20 mins later I am on my way back home with a tasty meal en-tow, happily swinging up and down as I leg it back to our temp home.


Well 20 mins go by still no dinner, my belly rumbling in protest at the wait, I’m joined by another man who gets a dead animal meal (yep I’m a veggie) takes a seat, five mins later his dinner comes the smiling waiter showing him to the door, of he go’s into the night swinging his own dinner, thinking he must have phoned for his dinner 30mins before he came to collect.


An ashen faced waiter comes upto me and tells me my dinner has been given to the other guy, I’m gutted my belly thinks my throat has been slit open, and this guy is telling me my dinner has a new swinger legging it away with my dinner, the waiter says they make me a new dinner up and will throw in an extra 2 popadoms (whoop de flipping do, is my only thought) oh! Yeah and a flat glass of coke from a near empty 2lt bottle

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Life’s a contradiction, well for me it is, every thing I see or even say theses days is a contradiction par excellence, foxy tells me that I’m Mr half glass empty but yet I have my moments of pure and utter clarity ok I might have the regular 3:35pm London Liverpool street flyer trundle by at earth shaking speed, its akin to living in a earthquake zone, although it might be a meagre 1.5 or something on the Richter scale, still it reminds me of those people that are less unfortunate to live in places that the fear of the earth opening up and swallowing them in a wave of earthly devastation.


Now for the low flying jumbo jets that are now a regular part of my life, the panic I had as I ate my Ludicrously tasty Crunchy nut cornflakes as a 747 was no more than 200ft over my head I realized that I don’t have a will, no one to give my collection of SG1 DVD’s to or my train set to, So now like a manic I wrote up a will giving all my earthly belongings to Oxfam, my rather brilliant sister and her mad bf John my computers.


I been in this temp accommodation for nearly 2 weeks now and I have spent so much time just channel flicking and when I can be arsed do the cleaning up and putting away the sofa bed which we been relegated to our large hand carved bed dismantled and laying in one of the two rooms stacked to the roof with our stuff.


The sofa bed is so flipping uncomfortable to lay Foxy me and Zak the dog, thought he’s a small dog (Tibetan terrier), his fat arse takes up all the room so we both having to do the foetal possession at night and in retrospect that’s why I tend to spend time on the settee as much as possible before I crawl into bed and try to stretch out pushing Zak as far as possible down our make shift bed.


Well Foxy had her meeting with the wicked witches of the NHS yesterday and was told that she would be made redundant, which is a relief as she was worried that she be pushed into a dead end job, but then that is the power of having a Union to back you up, so a big thanks to Mr Silly (not real name for legal reasons) for doing his job in protecting my darling wife, as for the dim wit managers of her NHS place of work, I hope you have an interesting life!


Yes that’s a curse peeps and one that has real merit and power, I feel its right to curse such people they are not interested in helping others only them self’s and there damn statistics of how much money they are saving the government

Sunday, 10 May 2009

D-Day for Foxy!

It's a bright crisp Monday morning and in effect d-day for foxy, today is the day she finds out if she is to be made redundant! Not that she wants’ to be but circumstance and fate has pushed her in that direction.


For many years she has worked in the NHS as a councillor and healer, she can heal a troubled and tortured mind and soul, something she really has a knack of doing, being married to this woman for nearly 20 happy years, I can see the effect of dire management she has had to endure, the fights she has had to face mostly alone, she hates injustice at work, men and women that like leaches sucking the life out of the NHS where only the venerable and pained of mind and heart are left to rot, she is beside her self having to discharge people who are in need of help, for them its like starting over the process of healing, again trying to come to terms with what has happened again opening wounds that have already been opened, the management of the NHS like puppets for lofty high consultants who only wish power and status.


Our temp accommodation never seizes to amaze me, not only do we get the trains to and from London we got every type of aircraft provider known to man yesterday, all coming from Standstead airport I presume, some of them so low I could stick a match from its under belly!


As I write this now I can hear the twin jet turbines roar like banshee’s from the cheep Easy Jet heading of to some distant European destination, now for nearly two weeks since we moved in to Roydon I have not heard a single turbine, which makes me think that its all to do with security of some sort, changing the flight paths to dodge the taleban or some freaky middle eastern terrorist group? Who knows eek!


We went by the new house yesterday, and the more I see it the more I am looking forward to it, there is something to be said about living in a detached place, even thought its got a main road outside the front of the property which is ok cause it means that its well maintained and looked after it has a 30 mph restriction on it thought I wonder how many people keep to that speed? But what we did was travel along it from the solitary little shopping area right next door to our own new to be place of residence, it worried me I went to get a packet of crisps and they had every kind you like except for the ones I like of course, I’m so fussy, but enough rambling as I was waiting to be served some old guy puked up outside the shop his wife had to clean it up, now what was strange I did not offer to help! After all I was a nurse for nearly 20 years, I stood still and did nothing, this is very unlike me, normally I am a caring loving person, but for the life of me I looked the other way not wanting to get involved, as I left the shop I looked in the old guys direction he was sitting at his car, his palor rosy, I think if it was life threating I would have done something to help, we went for a short walk along the public trail near to our soon to be new house and had a look at the back of the garden un-over looked which is great we cherish privacy in our dwellings.


A shore drive later took us to Hatfield Heath and it nearly made us jump for Joy, why do I hear you ask? Its got a chippy and a coop a few pubs and a gun shop well I hope it’s a gun shop, I can finally get .22 ammo for my rifle.

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Well here we are In Essex again

Well the move from Sunny Brighton to an even more sunny Essex was unlike Hollingbury less hetic and this time we had a week to move Hollingbury was done on the same day it nearly killed me, considering a short time later I would have a Heart attack due to stress and lousy living, smoking drinking and eating all the wrong stuff, not that much has changed since that faitful day, just now its more in moderaton in terms of if my wife foxy catches me I not need to have another heart attack she do the deed for me if you get my drift?

Well I'm in Roydon Essex in a temp home, not a bad place if you like watching the 6:10am Harlow to Liverpool street train thunder by! Yikes yeah I'd agree but you do know the brain is a funny ol thing dont ya? It blocks it out after a few days cause it recognizes the sound, not to mention the semll of the canal no more than 200ft away! but lets be honst if you think thats bad, compare it to what we left in Highfield, Chav's and a handful of a nutter this is bliss, yes bliss nothing more nothing less than sheer joy, for once I have listened to birds little birds not those massive seagulls, that stalk the skys in Brighton.

I'm on virgin mobile internet, which is all fair and dandy but the signal can do a Burton at times, I would like to add pictures for your delight but I cant or maybe i can but I am at heart a lazy bum so use your imagionation I'll get back to you on that one.

I even got a new phone but still as yet cant figure out if its me or the damn phone thats taking the micky over posting new blogs on here or not, I need a tecky to help me out any offers?

Anyway if someone reads this let me know if you do, I got muffins and lots of coffee going free :)