Stubby toe jingle

I wake up, around 4am, Zak’s fat arse pressed hard against my legs, his still grumbling body lets of a Butchers fart, rank and disturbing, doing the ghost walk around our bed/settee, stubbing my toe, dancing in bare feel around the foot of the uncomfortable temp bed. Looking and sounding more like an Indian rain dance and funny enough its raining this morning I wonder if I worked a bit of magic?

 

I have been in this temp accommodation for nearly 2 weeks now, in a back water place called Roydon Essex, we getting a new place in Sheering Essex but the Solicitors have yet to complete the work and then there is the surveyors to do there work as well, so I got at least another 3 weeks to stay here, and if you don’t mind the noise of the trains flying by outside the back garden and the jet planes flying over head or the smell of the canal no more than 165 meters away, which I don’t but one thing that gets my goat is the sheer incompetence of people who own shops and restaurants in the village.

 

Case 1.

farting balls (not real name of shop due to legal reasons) the local newsagent + local mart, none of the people can use the till, or even count. I went in to get the Lotto for Wednesday I got 3 lucky dips and was charged £5, I looked at the dizzy till operator pardon I say I asked for 3 lucky dips not 5, yes sir she smiles but the scratch card costs £2, eh! But I got that card yesterday and was cashing it in, If you look at it you seen its already been scratched, she has to delete the transaction and redo the whole thing all over again, but she cant use the bloody till which takes like age’s by the time I get my 3 lucky dips and leave the shop it takes 10mins to get my arse out the door. And she did not apologize for the delay she has caused! I like to say I will not go there again but it’s the only flipping shop in the area, nearest shops are in Harlow 3miles away.

Case2

 

The white horse Indian take a way, well usually I hit the Indian and make my order and 20 mins later I am on my way back home with a tasty meal en-tow, happily swinging up and down as I leg it back to our temp home.

 

Well 20 mins go by still no dinner, my belly rumbling in protest at the wait, I’m joined by another man who gets a dead animal meal (yep I’m a veggie) takes a seat, five mins later his dinner comes the smiling waiter showing him to the door, of he go’s into the night swinging his own dinner, thinking he must have phoned for his dinner 30mins before he came to collect.

 

An ashen faced waiter comes upto me and tells me my dinner has been given to the other guy, I’m gutted my belly thinks my throat has been slit open, and this guy is telling me my dinner has a new swinger legging it away with my dinner, the waiter says they make me a new dinner up and will throw in an extra 2 popadoms (whoop de flipping do, is my only thought) oh! Yeah and a flat glass of coke from a near empty 2lt bottle