Call me the Indestructible Captain Scarlet, well when I was about 6 years old I thought I was, for Christmas my mum got me the captain scarlet uniform, with little gun and cap with the full top and bottoms I had to make do with Wellington boots for foot wear, but god did I look the part running around the house, like a lunatic making the dum dee dumm dumm dumm doom dun theme tune fro said program.
17th March 2010
A few weeks go by and I still have my full complete kit, I totally love it and I’m lost for hours in my Mysteron ass kicking get up, the coat hanging on the bedroom door, becomes captain black and nearly rip his arm off, much to mums dismay, mum catches me and gives me a kick, get aff it ya wee swine, in her strong Scottish accent.
Mum has become a Mysteron Agent!
Hiding in my sky base under the bed, Teddy or Captain Green, Action man captain blue, we all lay in conference I tell them that Mum has fallen to the Mysterons and something must be done, its supper time soon and I need my mash, sausages and beans.
Laying silent under the sky bed base, shuffling feet are heard, Alan where are ya boy? Alan answers me? Oi ya wee swine where are yee? The footsteps almost circle the sky bed base, the feet of the Mysteron stops no more than a foot away, a loud voice shouts Alan; Its captain Scarlet actually a soft voice growls back. Wit ever, the Mysteron agent walks back out the room, and into the sitting room.
Looking at captains green and black, I could hear a scrapping sound coming from the front lounge, the Mysteron agent is cleaning out the fire place, I crawl from the sky bed base and slowly creep and crawled into the front room the Mysteron agent is pre occupied with the task of planting a bomb in the fire place.
Slowly I creep up around the settee which takes me by the Mysteron agent and my vantage point I can see the agent is busy planting the paper bombs and what looks like coal, into the fire place, slowly stalking closer and closer to the agent, my finger curl around my belt, slowly drawing it from the trousers, the agents arse heaves up, I take my chance and the belt descends towards her bum, I feel the crack of the leather belt on her bum, the filthy agent lets out a howl, that’s heard in the street, in the space of a second the agent turns into a dragon and throws a brush at the retreating Captain Scarlet as he rounds the corner of the door trying to hold on to his falling pants, making a bee line for the sky bed base.
In a hurried puffed out gasping breath I tell the other agents mission accomplished, as I finish my report the Mysteron agent has employed the skills of a long handled brush which tries to push me out of the sky bed base, I start to voice the Captain’s theme music again, only to hear the Mysteron agent I GIVE you bloody dum dee dumm dumm dumm doom dun ya wee swine!