The Hitchhikers guild to Armageddon

The Hitchhikers guild to Armageddon or OMG did that really just happen!


Who’s ready for the coming apocalypse? You me and the farmer next door, nope I don’t think so well for your information, I personally don’t feel that the end is coming but then you can never be too sure can you, after all the weather is worse the planet is in a terrible state, stealing all that fossil fuel and gas must have some effect on the whole Earth, don’t you think?


Over the years there has been film after film and not counting the documentaries that like to tell us in great detail how it will all end, so some of these people seem to know what they are talking about, or do you believe they are talking complete bollocks?


After all they make their money from doing this so it’s not for the love of it or a real passive feeling for the inhabitants of the Planet Earth, and if so are they prepared for the coming doomsday?

Who knows and really who cares, what you care about is you, your family and friends, but be prepared to turn a blind eye when they come a knocking on your little shelter under the ground, of course if they are so hot, then its good to share, if ya know what I mean ;)




Well from all the stuff I have read and watched the best place to be during and after Armageddon is under ground, that’s ok if you have a cave to retreat to for the rest of us, it’s a hole under your floor boards or garden, you going to need digging tools and of course all sorts of tools, now the best ones are wireless like hammer drill, jigsaws, circular saws and lots of wood, nails screws and all that stuff, a quite trip to your local Armageddon hardware store like B&Q, Wicks and of course Home base.



So your got your work cut out for you already, all the pointers are its coming from the sky if you believe in the Destroyer or Planet X, its winging its way here as you read, so get digging.

That aside, you could always hope for the best in your home, if you’re in a high-rise building then I would say vacate it say a few hours before and head to high ground from the pending Tsunami that’s rocketing towards you.



Now for personal kit you go to have to invest a lot of money now not after your cash will be worthless when the Destroyer comes a calling.

The first thing you going to need is self protection a good gun or sword will suffice, now would you go for the good Zombie killer like a double barrelled shot gun?



Well if the apocalypse brings hordes of the undead it would be a good Idea to have one, but for self-protection might I say a good Air Rifle, would be a good weapon simply its much more quite than a shot gun which can be heard for miles depending on the wind speed and directions we don’t know if Zombies can here, or smell you.



And nothing draws the attention of people than a big bang, the object of survival is silence and stealth, if the nutters cant here you then they will not be looking for you, or your loved ones as you take on the roll of Moses guiding your flock over the waist lands that once was your high street.



They say the destroyer will level everything so shops and stores will be collapsed but still all the goodies will still be under the rubble, so have to hand a good spade, pick and builders gloves for digging you want that food just like every other hungry soul that survived the hammering the destroyer has done to your local Tesco’s.

Transport is a must, now leave those BMW keys alone yeah I know you always wanted a Z4 but a van is your choice the bigger the better and cram as much food as you can, now what you need is tins and lots of them spam, corn beef, stews, veggies, if its in a tin take it, including dog and cat food.




Though a few severed arms and legs for the pets, your more important than them and after all tiddles and Prince can make a good meal if your got nothing else.

Now during the End of the world and yes that means you will no longer be able to watch Eastenders (applause) well unless you have it on disk and your got a telly and solar energy (more later)

What you need now is bartering products now gold is ok, but its not really worth much except for the Dictators and ruffians out there and you don’t want anything to do with them, they might kill and steal your woman/man.

No what you need is the good old bottles of booze whisky and tobacco, these during the apocalypse will be like fucking gold dust say 3months into the end of times, and when your food has run out, booze will be a good when dealing with people who have food for sale, money, gold, family h£ir looms yes aunty gladises rose brooch will mean nothing to these dealers, but booze, and fags will.




After you have packed up your Van with all your hard earned stolen food, you might want to find out what DIY Store has all the tools you need, I leave that to your imagination of what you need.



If possible know where your local gun shop is, now this should be your first port of call, you never know who your going to meet along the way so I go there first and get your self and family tooled up for a fight,





after the big cahoona blows everyone going to want what your got, and you must fight tooth and nail to hold on to it.



Don’t forget the trip to the pharmacy, and load up on all the stuff you might need for those little mishaps, if one of yours happens to kiss a bullet, you need bandages to stop bleeding and it a good idea to have one of those Medical books at hand for open heart surgery like the Idiots guide to surgery and wounds be something to look out for, on your rummage through the devastation as pointed out in the Kolbrin bible.



So now you have a van full to the brim with all sorts of stuff, now if you take my guidance on a place to stay you need to power it, a camping calor gas stove is ok.




But after a month or so, you need to get more canisters and these buggers build up, depending on how many people you have staying with you, and also the fact that all those burners and canisters are like one big fucking bomb, as a stray bullet hits that and its Hello Jesus, as your limbs scatter to the four winds.

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No what you need is something a bit more exotic than a gas bomb, how about a nice windmill, you know the ones you can get from some B&Q stores, that you set up on your lawn and it generates a bit of power, so your going to need batteries so a quite trip to Halfords, another chance to have a five fingered discount.

For get everything else, no not that really cool sound system, its totally bollocked now, the pending doom if its nuclear, would have fried the circuits, just batteries and oils for your engine get the best after all its free, to the person in the pink shirt.



If at all possible and there is enough fellow survivors of the day of doom, I would take the opportunity to go out and grab as much as you can, for the next five to seven days people will be a bit all over the place so stick to out of place supermarkets, like the Sainsbury’s just out of town and scavenger around that place, as usual booze, fags and tins is your object fruit as well since it’s radiated and lasts quite a while, after a week or so I’m sure you will be sick of tins of Spam and Cornbeef a nice apple goes along way, and makes you regular to the poo.

If you do come across people doing the same as you, hence the safety in numbers, keep a respective distance even chat if its more than just a grunt, they could have knowledge and information that might help in your cause, just stick to getting as much as you can in to the back of the van.

Now the Van is your life line, if possible exchange it for the biggest baddest mother you can get your fingers on, unless its nuclear chances are its screwed big time and it will never start, but you got to take your chances unless there is a Mechanic in the house, lets hope so, or it’s a Asda trolley for you and as much as your pockets and bags can carry, though a tricycle might help you if your not able to drive, again Halfords might help here?
So your whole family are going on Tricycle’s so during the coming weeks you can practice and be like the red arrow’s up and down your street, for entertainment value, it make you giggle, but its team building for the coming hoards of Zombies or flesh eating plants that slither and slide towards your un happy face.

So ok lets recap a little your got your wheels, food, weapons, health care products, heat, and a place to stay, if your on your own well that’s hard luck, you should have got out more, cause at night they come the night crawlers, it might take a week or two but they will come, hungry people, and not so nice people, you have to defend what your got, it’s a do or die situation so if your got your windmill powering your little safe haven then you need eyes protecting you, now did you grab the CCTV when you were a plundering Maplins?

No then do not pass go and make sure you do, even with other people taking turns to protect your little acre of gods land, an all seeing eye is a must have, since CCTV can see in the dark you will know when undesirables are coming your way only Zombies are Immune to the all seeing CCTV (I think), its up to you how you deal with them, go by your gut feeling on this one.



As days pass to weeks and weeks to months, and your accepted your fait and your leadership as Master of all that is around you, you have a store of everything you need to survive the calamity you will have to deal with others at some time, now there are many paths you can take, you can be a helper, dictator, or Crazy horse nut job. Its up to you more will follow like how to hunt when the world burns around your ears, how to be a privateer during the apocalypse, and how to be the big cheese and running an empire.

And the most important thing to remember during this time is!


Run run run away!

Some how 2010 has a good ring to it, I can’t clearly put my finger on it, It just does that’s all, well its been over a week since I last posted, considering I tend to post quite a large blog this time I am going right to the Jugular as Dracula would put it.



Well, My benefits are all fixed out I am getting money at last and back dated I would not accept anything less, and for all the tooing and throwing I have even been compensated, (Compensated makes me think of Ferengies) of the Princely sum of £100 for the balls up they did, now that’s what I call sticking to your guns, with the total help of Fox for writing the letter to the head of the DSS.



That aside, its been a busy and yet there were times of tribulation and spending money.

Just over a week ago, a very famous church in Sheering nearly burned down, St Mary’s in Sheering which is relatively close to where I stay, suffered very bad smoke damage, and a few of the pews got badly burned, its still unclear how it started but faulty wires were blamed, which is fine if you date back to the mid 12th century, being close I took Oberon for a walk to have a look,



surprised to see that the local radio station and BBC local telly was there to film and photograph the damage, it amazes me that the media is driven by disasters of sorts, you only need to look at Haiti to see how the media works, I find these people with out scruples or morals, its one thing to report something but its quite another to actually push your way around, its called public interest, I call it rude.



One BBC man said can you move I want this shot, I told him actually I stay here so you can wait, and proceeded to take my own photos, but its ok to photograph a building its quite another to actually photograph what is important.

I did not take many in fact I did not want photos of the building or the smashed windows, what was more interesting was laying on the ground, the smouldering pews and books, said more to me than what was in the building.



How many fingers have flicked though the books of worship, how many happy bums sat on what was left of the pews.

I got my self a new CCTV system yesterday it had come in double time from Maplins, So next week I be trying to wire it all in, and I have plans other than home security, I intend to start a sky watch 24/7 and as you know or don’t I believe in the existence of UFO’s



So I am going to dedicate one camera to be pointed across the field where I stay and record everything that goes on at night, Essex has a rich history of UFO’s so I am playing my little part in documentation of what goes on in and around my little hamlet of Sheering, which is great its wide open and very quite if you can forgive the constant traffic going from Harlow- Hatfield Broad Oak on a daily basis, but it tails of at night.

Which brings me on to what am I going to call a site that handles the video and information I have thought of Project Blue book if your in to UFO’s you know what that means, not original but a poke in the eye for the Americans.



One thing that’s getting on my nerves is in the papers at the moment all this John Terry stuff and his sacking of being captain of England football, my only question is do you really give a toss? I mean who really cares? Is it that important? Lets face it when England goes to the world cup, the focus will not be on the team but the fans as it always is, and the hope that a fight or riot kicks off, this my friends is the hope of the media, they want bad boys not glory, but they will take that if there’s nothing else to give.



British newspapers are driven by Chaos not Order, it seeks to sensationalize horror, apathy, hate, loss and disorder, its only motive is Lies, hate and bending of truth.

There is only 3 good things or 4 if your Scottish about newspapers!
1 Used for when you run out of toilet paper
2 Good for puppy peeing training
3 Good for a fire
4 To keep my chips warm (In Scotland only)

I been somewhat of a Net nut for the past few weeks, and telly addict as well, that comes from having a laptop/notebook sitting on my knees as I watch and tweet what I see, Not bad but going to bed at night, troubles me simply because I full my head of some sort of pending disaster and end of world scenario, like on History HD at the moment we have the Nostradamus effect, I have been following this program from the beginning and tapering it just in case I fall asleep before the end.



Yeah knowing my luck I would fall asleep as a meteor, earthquake, super volcano, Aliens, Nuclear, Polar shift, yadda yadda, hits, crashes and plunders the earth, not that we are at a disadvantage over some major catastrophes that have blighted our little ball of dirt from time to time.



I think what gets to me, is the gusto that the presenters pile no spew out all this information, Ok the Mayans were quite a brainy bunch of people and could not see by 2012, and now I find the Hindus, Hopi Indians and of course now the Kolbrin bible and its great big dirty planetoid called the Destroyer, with a name like that is it little wonder why Prozac is so in demand, I know I be reaching for the medicine cabinet, just to dull the monotone doom mongers.

Now I have given this much thought and have decided to do a end of days blog just for your benefit and what you will need to survive the coming apocalypse in 2012, so stay peeled, I will only say it once lol and once only, I have my own preparation to take care off.

So keep safe and don’t Panic as is told in the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.

Belated new year to ya all

Well a belated happy Yule and a prosperous new year to you all, and lets hope a great new year as well, I must admit it was ok for me, a bit quite which was ok, as far as I can tell, it was and fingers crossed will continue to be a good new year.

Well like the rest of the UK, we had snow to contend with lots of it, I particularly like the satellite photo of the UK from space covered in the white stuff, December brought home our little Oberon aka Obi, our lovable and pissy little puppy full of joy but has a water problem as all puppy’s do.






My on going fight with the DSS and benefits is now over thank god, I finally got them all fixed out, I know some people go kicking and screaming at them to get things done, to be truthful I was near that stage after 16 weeks well from the 13th of October 09 to Jan 19th 2010 a long time in coming but least its here now, and I got an interview with the Jobseekers tomorrow Friday, as well as a disability officer at the Job centre as well to contend with fingers crossed that it all works out.





Sitting one night watching telly with Fox, We could hear fire engines howl up the street, heading of to some place which sounded near to us, taking Obi out to the garden for his nightly pee, we always walk to the back of the garden, a smell hit my nose, the smell of burnt wood, it was quite strong, looking around I could not fathom out where it was coming from, but it hung in the air, like a warning, was the tavern or house on fire and I did not see it? Well looking around there was nothing a miss all was safe and well.

The next morning before Fox went off to work, we were having our cup of tea watching the news we found that a local Church was on fire, so that’s where the smell came from!

The Church called St Mary’s dates back to the 11th Century AD, the fire started and took the fire men nearly 5hours to make safe, thankfully they got there before it could take a grip but there is lots of smoke damage for the church to clean up, from the photos I took it seems that the fire was in the pews which ponders the question how did it start?




As yet there has been no information so far as to the cause, I just hope its not someone with a grip against the church, those these days that would not surprise me at all, after the catholic church’s recent and pass abuses.

Well Officially I am a village gossip, since moving to the village, I been just about stuck my nose into everything and lapping up gossip like its gone out of fashion.

But the most thing people talk about is the said church of the burning cross, and of course the snow, out side the village shop its like an ice rink, cars almost skin into the local, hair dressers who a nice but very gay guy called Stuart, not that it’s a problem no sir, I stayed in Brighton for many years.

I got a CCTV at the front of my property which lets me see and hear everything that is going on with in my boundaries, and I just over heard a bin man emptying my Recycle bin: fuck me Tom this fucker weighs a fucking tonne.

There’s a lot of FUCK in that bin man, me thinks




Let me talk a little about paranormal before I post this, as you would possibilly know there are so many paranormal programs on the telly these days?

Well ok I like most of them but I don’t half get bored of the same old screaming from investigators why investigate if your going to do this? It’s beyond me why that happens, but anyway I have been watching a paranormal program for the past week called scary but true, which is interesting, its done by kids yeah kids and god they would show those twats on MH, TAPS etc a thing or two about being brave and investigative.

There are two programs on during the week nights on CBS Reality +1 at 10pm if your got this channel on sky watch it its very good.

Conflict

To all intents and purposes, I should not be writing this at this time anyway, but for the life of me, I had an episode of conflict this morning standing at the bus stop, yes its no more than 100 from my front door, its brisk, no forget that its fucking freezing, even thought I am well wrapped up, standing watching the traffic fly by and I mean fly by, even thought this stretch of road i.e.: the street is a 30mph speed limit but most cars go by at over 40mph, you can feel the whip of the tail wind as they pass, oblivious to the outside world, there own little cosmos behind the wheel is all they see nothing more nothing less.

As the bus pulled up, I could see the usual bunch of kids, the doors open to let me in, and I just stood there, my unblinking eyes lock in a sad contact with the driver, my lips curl into a soft yet faint smile, his fingers tap the steering wheel, you getting on mate, giving me a faint smile back, I look at the driver, seems the whole bus is looking at me the familiar faces that I see when I go to Seetec, I notice an empty seat, I just look back at the driver as if in slow motion, I think I’ll have a day off my friend I smile at the driver and disembark from the bus and walk the 100 or so feet back to Vailima, turning around watching the bus pass, faces look at me as it dashes past, everyone looking like they are locked in there own personal scream.



The key slides effortlessly into the lock, the warmth of the house welcoming me home again.

I never felt that before, when I actually stood on a bus only to choose to get off again, now one thing I have learn being married to foxy is that you always question your motives, why I did it, and what’s the underlying reason for it all?

Well I think there are a few things that are flying around, for one I don’t feel so well today, I have days like that, where I just cant heat up, after my heart attack I take aspirin which thins the blood, so keep warm can be a pain at times, but its only a small reason to walk back home again, I been out there in the pissing rain and it did not stop me, so its not that.

2) I waiting on a phone call from the DSS, well I have been waiting for nearly 9weeks for that call, its dragged on for so long, I’m nearly at the stage of giving up and forgetting about getting any government help, not that I want it but I feel like a leech, yes I do all the cooking and cleaning etc, but I feel worthless I don’t like this I have bared witness to the fear and hate that man can wish upon his fellow man when I was in the army.




And yet I have bottle all those feelings up from time to time they come back and haunt me, one of the reasons why scream so much inside, from this you may think I’m terribly depressed and yet I don’t feel like that, ok it’s a constant fight to see what is positive, there are a lot of positive things, even though Zak passed in a horrible way, but even from that, I was so lucky he chose to come home with me back to Brighton, my first dog and not my last, I have fallen head over heels for the breed, he was so much like me snores, farts and is as moody as fuck.



I still have his collar on my computer desk; I have yet to decide what to do with it, I will find a use for it, a memento of a gentleman of a dog.

But that’s not the reason well a bit of it, because of it all I just don’t have the money to feel happy, I got so many Ideas floating around that it gives me a sore head just thinking that if I cant get help then I will help myself.

Not like a bank robber or any light fingered thing what I mean is I’ll help myself out of it all, and find a job anything, I got a great bike maybe I deliver a few curries or pizza, or mail do my own thing since the post office is always up to something that screws up Maybe I can do long distance mail you know the thing that needs to be there the same day, I’m sure I can fit a few Yule presents in a ruck sack and head off into the cold sunset.



I even thought of betterware, and yes girls Avon and of course Ann Summers Ahem! (Giggles) all nice looking females wanting to try a strap on god the list goes on, I tell you



ooh errr missus.

I feel that there is a problem here, I trust that the government will do the right thing and that they get it all worked out, but its never that easy, in fact the actuality is that they don’t give a shit about me you or bob the builder next door, and yet I trust talk about trusting the wrong people, even my step bro Mick has had those self same problems, he gave up, kudos to the guy for telling them to shove it all up there shitty hairy arses.

In away I’m more like a battered kid, the nanny state loves to beat her children over the head, and like a bad mother who would rather drink and get into scrapes with others forgets her children who have in some ways dedicated there life, to what the government/nanny believes is right, so I’m getting to crux of the problems, I’M TOO TRUSTING. Well I think I need a good kick in the head, and do as my sister says and annoy these wankers and wind them up, play the game.

I don’t want to sound abusive or anything but what am I to do when, the cards are stacked against me? Do I lay down and die or get up and fight like the ex army/nurse would do I will fight and fight till I get what I am entitled to.

A new puppy?

Well no Seetec today, seems like the got the big guns there today, don’t know who or what they are, but interesting that they have got rid of all the unemployed guys and girls that frequent that place gone for the day, and its classed as a day that your there, the mind boggles at the unfairness of it all, I mean what have they got to be scared of, all the newspapers have gone, well they were nearly 2 weeks out of date, and they were wanting people to go to the Job center to pick up job descriptions yesterday, I just sat in my little group of 3 men and a tube of smarties and handed them around the table and chatted instead.

Seem like the new dog thing has come to a head, we no longer be going for little Alfie, the site that was dealing with him are really loopy, talk about a dog chasing its own tail, well the staff at All Dogs matter are as daft as that, we were pushed around so much that we had to withdraw from even going to visit Alfie which is a shame really I would have love to have had him with me, but what we have done instead is join a site that deals with dealers, breeders and a well organized dog site.




We have made contact with a Breeder about a 7month old male Tibetan Terrier yesterday we have as yet to receive a response to our email but I am sure its coming after all they want £400 for the puppy come young dog, which I hope is house trained, not that it matters I have wooden flooring, so any pee or shit is easy to clean haha.

Well I again called the DSS locality team, asking for Alison the person dealing with my case, and she asked me to phone today and guess what? She’s off today, now I’m a bit at a loss with what to do next, Vivian said that she give her a message to call me tomorrow morning to get it all fixed out, well since I have been signing on since 13th of October I don’t think I will hold my breath case I pass out, now what angers me is if I was an immigrant I would not be treated like this, so for all the tax paying I have done all my life, I’m being treated like a second rate citizen its so unfair, and yet I’m so lucky to have very and I mean very understanding relatives who have been so helpful over the past few months with food and handouts clothing etc.

You know I’m listening to the beach boys surfin’ USA and I’m feeling happy fuck knows why, the DSS matter is not over by a long shot, I feel like I have to be a pirate and shoot a few cannon balls at there stern and take the plunge into the ocean they call complaining and ask for a reason of why I’m a fucking second rate British shittizen (no I did not mean Citizen)

Well I been on Twitter for nearly or just over a week now, its not bad I can link photos and of course my blog as well, I noticed a jump in traffic coming here, so something must be working I just wish you would say something I like to know that your just as pissed of as me, or maybe your not and happy with your lot in life, well fair play to you my silent friend, I just hope that it stays that way.

So far upto date and a pic of me posing haha

Well a recap on what’s been going on in me life for the past month, and a good reason why I have not been blogging as much as I would like, other than the fact that the weather is and will continue to be fucking mad as a barrel of spanners, I have not been getting out on my bike as much as I would like, much to the dismay of Tommy Two Wheels, we were meant to go out on Saturday but the roads were so wet here at Vailima, I did not want to take a chance in having a crash which I would knowing my luck.

For the past 4 or so weeks, I have been attending a course set up by the government Social Security namely or aptly named SeeTec, a group funded by the government to make you or what they like to say is help you back to work!

This has been my 4th week and to be bluntly truthful, it’s a waist of time for me, I travel 3 days a week into Harlow to attend this course full of people just like me, we given computers, papers and free tea and coffee at certain times, you get your travel expenses back which is good considering it costs me £4:30 return.

One good point is that I can go to the library every week for new books, I am studying finances as a choice since I can no longer do the work that I was trained to do, which was working in a hospital/nursing home. So most of my time I spend there I have my face buried in a book trying to keep up and remember lots of figures that would make an accountant jump with glee.

Not that I am a stranger to study, in fact I’m a life long student of some sort lol.

I have just found Twitter yes I’m catching up with you lot, I like it but you do have to cram in so much into 140 word message, but the real neat thing is, I can actually get it on my mobile phone so I can keep up with some selected people that I FOLLOW namely my little sis, the down side is to post a comment costs 10p a time which is ok, but being unemployed and at the moment getting no surport from the Jobseekers its been nearly 8 weeks since I signed on and as yet have had no money what so ever? I sign on tomorrow so it’s an early day at Seetec, I will have it out with them tomorrow I think see if I can get any joy from these people, knowing my luck, I get passed on again and again, I must make a mental note of is there a complaints procedure? And hope that gives them the shits or it’s a long long road for me.

I do intend to record all the conversations I have with the dss via my web cam so I can post it on youtube and send via Twitter to 10 Downing Street since I have its link, if I cant get joy I will lay it on hard for them and shame the swine.

Well Seetec is a good thing if your looking for a job, I cannot fault them on there dedication in at least being understanding on the plight of many unemployed workers out there, and the course is only 13 weeks, with attendance being for only 12 hours a week, but for me its only 6 hours since I have a dodgy ticker, but I would like to spend a bit more time there, since the passing of Zak my faithful doggie, I want to be out a bit more, I find that it’s a good reason to study a little more, with other people like minded, not that everyone there is after work, some people see it as a social thing and like to meet up talk just about everything except work, or what they have done for money in the past.

I just wish I could deal with benefits there but it’s not their place to advise or chase up unpaid benefits to its customers, if you can be called that when you’re unemployed.

I have heard that your supposed to be depressed when your looking for work, which is true if your at home musing over the lost life your throwing away, into the fires of oblivion, that you now frequent, I must admit that getting out is doing my confidence a little good, after the year I have had, its little wonder how I keep on going, for a lot of that I have fox to thanks she is my pillar of strength, the one I always turn to just to keep me right.


I did my bmi last night and I got to my target of losing 3lbs for a strange one, I actually wanted my photo to prove it, yeah I’m in tight leggings and tee with accompanying socks lol, talk about hard pressed I only did 12mins last night I really need to do 30mins a day just to keep to my new target of 6lbs over the next two months yeah I know Yule is coming up and its pudding time so I really must keep on target to achieve my next goal.

The passing of poor old Zak our Tibetan Terrier

It was a cold day in January 2009, the new year was upon us and our dear Sonic had not long passed to the world of spirit herself, we wanted to try and forget her last few hours laying on a vets cold steel table being given an injection to put her to rest, the impact that it caused was astounding, something fox said she would not like to see again little did we know that our faithful and loving doggie Zak would go the same way a short 10months later.



January the 10th 2009 was the day that Zak came to us, we travelled from Brighton to Essex to meet him for the first time, it was Tom, Mum and myself and fox that saw him for the first time at Donna’s place a nice home with two Lasa apso’s of her own, with what was believed to be a giant Lasa, turns out dear Zak was a Tibetan terrier, his long main of hair reminiscent of a lion, his smiley face, what turned out to be his teeth sticking out of his mouth which made him endearing from the start, several people over the next 10 months commented on that dog’s smiling at me, he had that effect on people he met and the girls he saw.

To say Zak made an impression when we first crossed paths, I took him from Donna the same day I saw him, even before the first walk, he came and sniffed me and fox, as if to see if we were suitable for him, little did I realize that he had a softness for sniffing in fact it was a way of life for him, he never been let of a lead simply because he sniff just about anything and would continue to do so, at the determent of every one else around him, but that was because he possibly had cancer back then and had to really take his time, but like myself I tend to doodle around as well so we were suited to one another, he liked to sniff I liked to stand and just watch the world go by, on our regular trips to Preston Park, just a short drive from Highfield our old home, he be in his element, so many trees new smells for his snout, and to actually be let of the lead to his own thing, this was a turning point for him, to be let loose to do his own thing something he came to cherish more than anything.



He was never a badly behaved dog even thought I put that on him at times in hind sight I deeply regret treating him as if he was taking advantage, even when his little paws were sore, I tried to push him on even more, it was only the last two weeks of his short life that I noticed that something was wrong with him internally I never thought for a second that it would be life ending, no more the funny little bark, telling me that I had an intruder in the tavern a little robin was looking for a place to sleep and have its chicks.

Now I’m happy that I gave that little man lots of hugs and cuddles and kisses, after Jewels passing, life feels impermanent and at times quite cruel.

This is a recollection of my memories of Zak god bless him, I only hope that if I made him uncomfortable or made him feel pain and loss, that he forgives me.

Our days in Highfield were numbered when Zak first came into our life’s it was already on the market, the recession and the travel from Brighton to London on a daily basis was telling on Fox, but every evening she came home, Zak always greeted her with a waggy tail, happy that she was home, as the months passed Zak would imprint on us that he had needs to and wanted above all to sleep on the same bed between us, like me he snored like a trooper, poor fox, and he move around the bed in his sleep, on a number of times I be nearly on the floor, he move so close and if I moved he move as well, getting closer and closer, his head draped over my leg, normally he be at the foot of the bed at the begging of the night, by morning as I turned to greet my dear wife, all I get is a waft of Butchers breath, and whiskers twitching, I could never resist giving him a kiss, and pulling him on to my lap with his legs swinging in the air.



As people came to visit Highfield, he woof letting me know someone at the door, not like most dogs that bark like mad, it was only one bark, he watch them as they walked around his gaff.

As weeks turned to months, our walks around the block his sniffing of anything that he deemed new or never been before sniffed, on one occasion as I walked Zak to meet Fox when she was coming from Brighton station, we met on the hill, Zak was pushing fox down the hill we never found out why he did this, it was as if he wanted to go home right there and then.

In our limited time in Highfield we had grown attached we went every where together, I had plans on taking him on a ghost watch but I resisted he was an old chap after all, the grand old age of 14years old or that is what we were told, thought you never think that looking at him his thick main of fur, hiding his age quite well it was only when he was bathed that you could see his wrinkled skin showing that time had took its toll on him, and yet still there was a young dog that lucked just inside, one trip to Preston park he met a young girl dog named Lucy and tried to have it off with her, to the amazement and embarrassment of myself and fox he tried to mount her head, instead of the usual rear end!

In time we sell Highfield with nearly £40,000 loss, but still we were happy to move, even if it was to temp accommodation in Roydon Essex relatively 7 miles from our new place Vailima near Sheering, on our first move, I learn a new thing that Zak loved to do, and that was sitting on my lap with his head out of the van, that me and Tom were riding in all our stuff packed neatly in the back of the van, it takes several hours to get to Essex from Sussex and Zak did not even woof once, and if he did its because I tried to put him on the floor, from that day forth he would always ride in the back of the car with me with an open window so he could stick his head out.

As we first looked upon the Roydon property, Zak jumped out of my arms and onto the ground he sniffed everything that his snout could find, as he reached his new temp home, he found Max’s drinking bowl and proceeded to piss on it, poor Max what did he do to deserve that, well maybe Zak was not a Chelsea supporter like Max.

There was a good walk that me and Zak did on a daily basis, from the temp accommodation there was a field walk, which would take us around 30 mins to complete, and the canal side walk that we did every time fox was coming from London, it was then that I noticed that he was getting slower and not eating his food as he would normally do, it never entered my mind that he had cancer, I mean that’s something that humans get but a lovely little dog like Zak did not deserve that, no dog or human does really.



It felt like we were there in the temp accommodation for years but in actual fact we were only there for a few months we even pondered on buying it when we felt that Vailima was slipping away from us, solicitors and estate agents were total shits, and the communication between them and us was a pain in the arse.

But things worked out in the end and we were packing again, and heading to a new home, by this time unfortunately Jewels our darling little tabby cat passed away, like my mum I sat up all night with her to see her slip away of old age, her little body mostly skin and bone, she always had her tiger stripes, I miss her too as much as Sonic.

There was a special place that Zak just loved to visit, namely the Rye house near Roydon, he get so excited and bark wildly wanting out of the car and sniff and pee up every tree in the place, he had this little routine that he loved to do was walk along the out line of the old house, and a walk along the canal near the house and just watch the geese, he even met a little lady jack Russell there once, he gave her the usual greeting of a sniff and face rub, and we pulled him away before he could mount her, sometimes he be like a teenager than an old boy, but that was our darling dog, he knows what he wants and what he likes, Donna said he did not like big dogs well my mum and Tom have a large Alsatian called Tara and Mick and Trish Alsatian called Max and Zak did not have any problems with them, but then there are very well behaved dogs, He did not like unruly dogs, and would give a warning bark he even went for one some time ago, which was a surprise for me, and old boy like him taking on a young bull dog.

Not that he was ever aggressive, on the contra he was very meek and mild, almost like the dalai lama, inward thinking if I could liken him he be more a Yoda come Bernadette, the pain he must have endured in silence only in the final week of his life was the pain showing, by the low grumbles never raising, as if in agony.

Our time at the temp accommodation, was almost at an end, and the move to Vailima was on the cards, we would finally say good bye to Roydon and our regular visits to Rye house, we would only visit that place on one or two occasions when we moved home.

His new stomping ground would be Harlow town park, new smells new dogs, the love of his life when he got a chance to bump into her was Boo, a Tib terrier just like him, he would only meet her 3 times before his death, but even during his first meeting his body got more and more sluggish, even the walking was taking longer and longer, he was eating less, drinking less.

We kept thinking that maybe he was getting bugs from the other dogs that visited the house, but all our excuses did not see him better, he was off his food and was eating fresh chicken daily and having his liver chews which was for a cat be he loved them and of course his training treats which were small enough for him to swallow, in one gulp.

As we settled into Vailima, the first one to make a pal here was of course Zak, nobody who saw him could not resist patting him his long fur, making him look like an Ewok from Star wars fame, he had no trouble in making pals, a lesson I still have to make.

The summer was decent for England, Zak would spend most of his time going in and out of the house, making his mark on all the plants of the garden, bird watching but never worrying a single visitor to our garden, he had regular visits from Tara, and K.C. Nicky’s little dog, they did have a run around on occasions but Zak would tire very quickly, and promptly plant himself on our bed or settee and go to sleep.

As the Autumn approaches the leaves turn to vibrant colours and fall to the ground, Zak is no longer eating properly he go days with out eating, then all of a sudden will start eating again, he is on fresh chicken all the time, he eats less and less treats like his rodeo’s which was a firm favourite of his is left to get hard and stale.

The cubby skin is getting thin, our worry is he has another infection; we keep a watch on him and again he starts to eat again and drinking his water, we include milk for him, which he takes, a month or so later, we notice that he’s spinning around as if dazed, we decide to take him to the vet.

Our sister Nat, grooms pets for a living and re-homes unwanted and neglected doggies, budgies and all sorts of heart broken animals, her stance on life is like ours, and Zak always loved paying her a visit and meeting Spud, Lilly bear,, and Ozzy.

Autumn turns to the begging of winter, Halloween is upon us and Zak has stopped taking his Chicken, and very little fluids pass his lips, after a few days we take him to the vet that Nat, said was good and caring of animals, its deemed that he has Oedema and that his ears are infected and that it would take at least another 24-48 hours till he was over it, we given eye drops for his eyes which has been sore since we first got him, and a massive can of flea spray, we take him home, and still no water or food passes his lips, this goes on for another 4 days, we end up getting an emergency appointment at the Epping clinic, by now he has not eaten in 4 days since his first appointment and the other 3 days before the first visit to the vet, so nearly a week has passed with no food, and very little water, he is constantly sick, in the evenings.

Our sleep is nearly none existent Zak needs to go out so much to be sick, his legs barely able to carry his tiny frame, in the end I carry him in my arms into the garden and slowly let him walk around doing his thing still sniffing and back to the house ever so slowly, I walk behind him in the rain, he walk off into the Jade room and just lay on the floor, mumbling softly.

We arrive in Epping, we ask for directions to the vets a rather pleasant lady tells us how to get there, in no time we find the vets, we sit for a short time in the reception, Zak is outside with Fox, sniffing the place, wondering if he going to pee like he normally does in new places, B&Q, Maplins, any garden centre or vets he don’t care he pee’s, just for the sake of it.

It’s not long before the vet, an Australian guy takes a look at Zak feels him all over, we tell him what the other vet had said, but still he was sick not eating and drinking, in a futile attempt at sticking up for his buddy since they both work for the same company, he stands up for her saying that her diagnosis was right, but there was an underlying problem, he continues to touch and prod Zak in the end he asks me to feel just under his chin, I feel two lumps like ping pong balls, the same again under his chest and rear end all are swollen, this he claims is gland problems, and that he needs investigations, blood, drips, cultures and drawing of fluids from the glands, for a proper diagnosis, we agree to this, even thought its going to cost us up to £800 even more we still not got the bill yet and that’s not including his ashes and casket we possibly looking at over £1000.

Its been 4 days since Zak has moved on where his soul is I do not know but I believe that he is doing just fine in the here after with all the other Tibetan Terrors up there, guarding the gates of Heaven from the dark Legions of the under world.

I got a call from the undertakers today on the answer phone, I did not call back not really feeling up to it just yet, I will respond tomorrow morning.

For some reason, I have a Tibetan singing bowl, I found myself playing it the day after he passed over, I don’t know if he heard its singing, I did find some comfort with in its tone.

We have talked about another doggie and we both agree that we will take another doggie but we decided to wait till after Yule and the new year, thinking that it be nice to have a holiday and I can do some courses in the coming months, I do believe that if you take on a dog you have to be there for it, unlike a cat that can entertain its self a dog need company all the time.

Needs change like underwear on a daily basis, now we have seen a doggie we both agree we like named Alfie, a 2-3 year old Tibetan/Griffin mix, he looks like a Tibby but has the fur of a Griffin which looks weird, not a nice looking dog but he looks like he has tonnes of personality, a bit like us, I will keep you updated on our final choice, we also looking at getting a Tibby puppy, but were only thinking of this at the moment we have phoned a few breeders we got from the Tibby association in the UK