I cant believe we are the end of another year and on the run up to 2011 and a hopeful new year full of umm the same as usual life being all grown up is boring the only things I have to look forward to is having my dog run rings around me and a really uneventful time of it, I will be starting the new year with a trip to the hospital for a heart operation possibly open heart defiantly stints attached to my failing old ticker.
The joy of it all yeah I have only got myself to blame its one thing to blame others and a manufacturer of making me ill, ok if you’re an American you can sue usually with a degree of success the cause of the and price of the treatments that you need to keep going, I found out that my heart op would have cost me in excess of £15.000 and that’s only for the stints being put in, I did not look at the cost of open heart surgery still it would have been in 5 figures but a 2 maybe 3 to start it and put together we talking a big fucking 5 at the start of the sum.
So I have decided to face my problem head on and do something that makes my transition into hospital a lot better and give up smoking not hiding it anymore and facing the cold turkey head on, I went to my doctor and he put me in contact with the stop smoking nurse who is called Jenny nice woman, very open and none judge mental I hate judgemental people so much so it was nice to actually talk to someone for a change, I was expecting patches or gum something like that what I did not expect was a tablet to take in the mornings and evenings its called Champix Varenicline a stop smoking table for the first week I did not feel that much to it but It has cut me down quite a bit, but I did not understand why sometimes the need to smoke is just not there unless I feel stressed at things going on in my life, then yesterday I FOUND OUT why it works, well I had a day out going to Harlow do a bit of shopping get dressed up and have a bit of space away from Obi for a few hours since I tend to spend so much time with him.
It was not until I was going to get the bus back to Sheering that for some strange reason I started to feel quite sick to the extent that I thought I was, I moved out of the bus shelter and walked a little, after about 10 I felt ok again, there was not a lot going on just some people standing around smoking and talking, I went back to the bus stop with in a few moments I was feeling sick again, then it dawned on me that even being near someone that smokes is enough to set me off, by the time I reckoned that my bus had came and left a few moments prior which meant I had to wait another hour to the next.
Feeling quite cold it was after all –3C and the snow was all over the place but the graters had done there work the day before, so thought why don’t I treat myself and have chips and beans at Jenny’s café in the bus station, duly sat down ordered my food and tea, and waited played around with the Iphone for a bit till my order came and I tucked in almost wolfing down the warm food and slurping on the steaming hot tea, which was a god send on a day like this.
Some one ordered toast, I could smell it burning, the smoke hit my nostrils and my tummy started to do the Lambda and that same sick feeling returned to me with a vengeance, I had only ate half my chips and beans but finished my tea, in a short space of time I had to get up and pay and just leave, back into the freezing cold of the bus station.
I only had a short wait, after walking around the charity shops and god are the charity shops suffering most if not all the stuff I saw was not worth a penny that was asked for them, Ok I know Harlow is not as rich as Brighton but for god sakes its bad when Oxfam is selling second hand Primark clothing!
I feel sick still when I am near anyone that smokes even the breath of a smoker can set me off, I hope that after the course of 10 weeks now is over I can finally say I am a none smoker.
Its so frigging cold now it’s been two weeks and in that time we have had freezing torrential rain, snow, hail and bloody cold fog, even today after my last visit to the Practice its totally covered with fog, taking Obi out yes he loves it but I do not, its too cold on my chest something has to give, and in a way I am grateful to my little sister she coming today to spend a few days with me, so she can take Obi out for a run over the fields since she likes to Jog.